reflections from am

i read the following this weekend. it's quoted in a book called story by steven james; the original source is soren kierkegaard's provocations:

"The difference between an admirer and a follower still remains, no matter where you are. The admirer never makes any true sacrifices. He always plays it safe. Though in words, phrases, songs, he is inexhaustible about how highly he prizes Christ, he renounces nothing, gives up nothing, will not reconstruct his life, will not be what he admires, and will not let his life express what it is he supposedly admires."

what powerful words. i wanted to write something about this . . . about how it convicts my soul. but then i remembered an email that my friend annmarie ("am") sent me regarding this same quote (she read the book a month ago). her words are honest and right on. and are much of what i felt when i sat and thought about this. so instead of me, you get to hear from her today:

"Wow...will i allow my heart to be convicted by such frank words. I sit here and think of all the talking i do about this life i want to live, these sacrifices i want to make, the places i want to be, the Christ i want to share with the world...yet here i stand in the same boat, holding the same net, contemplating what i should do next...throw the net again and try to keep this same old life working the best i can, or jump out of the boat, swim my way to shore and take hold of the hand that promises to lead me to a life of more blessing than i can imagine! Seems like it would be such an easy decision to make, yet I feel like so many times I have have heard the words of the Lord saying “Follow me” and as I have hesitated to reply he keeps moving on to invite some others.

I have been reading this verse in 1John 3:18-20 “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we set our hearts at rest in his presence, whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” He knows my struggles, he knows of my hesitation related to my fears, my pride, my self absorption, he knows that I condemn myself as a result of those things… yet he says there is only one thing that is going to lay all of that to rest and bring me into his merciful presence and that is to drop our nets and pick up our cross to follow him. “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:33 . . .

Steven James envisions Jesus asking the question, “So what do you say? Will you follow me, or just keep admiring me?” But I truly don’t think that we can even begin to admire this sweet Savior unless we can look into his precious face…and yet if we don’t walk with him at his invitation, all we will see as we stay there in the boat will be the back of his head as he turns and walks away! Let us not admire from afar, but let us get close enough to touch and marvel at the face of Christ…he will be there in all that we do in the power of his name!"

--april 12, 2006

admirer or follower . . . which will i be? which will you be?