sitting and happiness

do you ever just sit? not sit and read. not sit and listen to music. not sit and watch t.v.

just sit.

i accidently went to volleyball an hour early tonight. so i had an hour to kill. and i found myself just sitting. in the dugout of an empty baseball field. on the cold metal bench. watching the sunset.

and as i was sitting, i had this thought some over me. "i am happy."

so i sat a little longer just kinda mulling that over in my head. it's kind of a funny realization to come to, you know. the realization of such a basic emotion. it's almost as if i had been standing out in the rain for 10 minutes and all of a sudden realized, "hey, i'm getting wet." like i should have noticed it a long time ago.

so then i thought, "well, why am i happy?" and a million things started flooding my mind. and i started listing them. here's part of the list.

i'm happy to be sitting on a cold, metal bench watching the sunset.
i'm happy to know the God that created the sun and moves it across the sky every day.
i'm happy that no one in the world knows where i am right now except God.
i'm happy to have seen steph and faith tonight.
i'm happy for the 4 new c.d.s i got in the mail.
i'm happy that God has given certain people the ability to make words and music go well together; to express feeling and thoughts and ideas that i can't so poetically put words to.
i'm happy kyrie intoduced me to k.t. tunstall.
i'm happy the the book i ordered came in.
i'm happy that i had a relatively easy day at work.
i'm happy i got to take a walk with 2 of my co-workers at lunch.
i'm happy that God has blessed me with a mind capable of doing what i do.
i'm happy that i love what i do.
i'm happy for grace for the many times i think of myself rather than my God and others.
i'm happy to know the God who is Love - and to know that He changes me into a person of love.
i'm happy about getting to take pictures for my friends this saturday while they play volleyball.
i'm happy that God is too mysterious for me to fully understand.
i'm happy that He is also bigger than my doubts; that He can handle them.
i'm happy to have talked with my mom tonight.
i'm happy because the girls in my small group bless me more than i could ever bless them.
i'm happy because i've finally realized that it's the Holy Spirit's job to change a person's heart, not mine.
i'm happy that the word of God speaks for itself.
i'm happy that it's getting warm outside.
i'm happy that i accidently went to volleyball an hour early.


so, yeah . . . i realized tonight that i am happy. all because i took the time to sit.