more lyrics.

these are similar to the last, but much older.
read and refresh your soul.
pray this.

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.

Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Frances Havergal; 1874

now go listen to chris tomlin's version of this song.

i really enjoy these lyrics.

something very simple and poetic about them.
as well as truthful.

(verses only seen here)
we stutter and we stammer till You say us
a symphony of chaos till You play us
phrases on the pages of unknown
‘til You read us into poetry and prose

we are kept and we are captive till You free us
vaguely unimagined ‘til You dream us
aimlessly unguided ‘til You lead us home

passed over and passed by until you claim us
orphaned and abandoned ‘til you name us
hidden and disclosed ‘til you expose you hearts

-healed; nichole nordeman

my fav line; "a symphony of chaos til You play us"

a symphony of chaos. like when you hear a symphony warming up before a show and all the instuments are playing their own thing. there's no music; just noise. i feel like that a lot.

thankfully there is One who makes beauty out of chaos.

the count is in . . .

27 inches!

check out the snow hanging over the eves of the house. wild.

this evening dad and i went on a walk. saw just about every mode of transportation: cross country skis, snowshoes, snowmobiles, 4- and 3-wheelers, snowborad and skis being pulled by trucks, sleds full of kids being pulled by parents. it was quite wonderful. in salisbury everyone would be locked indoors with 27 inches of snow. here, people are out and about in whatever way they can be. guess you get used to it living here.

baking and shoveling, shoveling and baking.
(the two things that have consumed my day)

momma and i hit the kitchen this afternoon

(since we were/are snowed in)

at the end of the day, here's what we have to show for ourselves:

sugar cookies (of course)

peppermint patties

cinnamon rolls

cranberry-apple chutney

on the other side of things and between food prep,

i shoveled our drive with daddy

good times had by all.

yes ladies and gentlemen . . .

we are under a BLIZZARD warning!!!

was only about a half inch this a.m. when i woke up.

6.5 inches so far . . . calling for up to 30 inches by tomorrow. whoa!

Merry Christmas to me!

psst . . . guess what . . .

i have a flickr site now.

www.flickr.com/photos/pinkhouser

if you care to view, enjoy!

derek

if you don't listen to derek webb, you should. i mean really listen. whether you agree 100% with him or not, he makes you think and challenges.

link to some of his lyrics: his latest project "mockingbird"
http://derekwebb.musiccitynetworks.com/index.htm?id=7013&inc=7&album_id=731

recommendations:
a new law
a king and a kingdom
rich young ruler

"if there were less of what seems like ease in our lives they would tell more for Christ and souls . . . we profess to be strangers and pilgrims, seeking after a country of our own, yet we settle down in the most un-stranger-like fashion, exactly as if we were quite at home and meant to stay as long as we could."

--amy carmichal

leaving the waterpot behind

"Give Me a drink."

"How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?"

"If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

"Sir, You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get that living water? You are not greater than our father Jacob, are You, who gave us the well, and drank of it himself and his sons and his cattle?"

"Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."

"Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw."

. . .

"Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet . . . I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us."

"I who speak to you am He."

so the woman left her waterpot . . .
and went to tell others about Him.

---------------------
she met Jesus.
he changed her.
she forgot about her old priorities.
she embraced her new purpose.

feedback required.

i'm contemplating going digital.

currently i exist solely in the old-school world of film cameras.

so i'm asking you, the readers, for some help.

question 1: should i, in fact, latch on to the digital realm?
question 2: if you answered question 1 in the affirmative, what type of camera do you recommend?

"sweet dreams" -OR-
"to avoid the wrath of linnea"

last night i was in an episode of LOST.

in my dreams, of course.

you think it's confusing and mind-blowing to watch the show, try being in an episode. it was like 10x as crazy.

the nice part was, at the end of the dream i got proposed to -
by a guy that was a cross between jack and chris tomlin.
that's never happened to me in a dream before.
it was dang exciting.

i said yes. :-)

------------------------------

dreams truly facinate me. i think if i had more time, i'd like to study them more.

i'm one of those people who always remembers their dreams. at least one a night. often more than that. in vivid detail. and while often this is both interesting and often amusing, there's also something a bit un-nerving about dreaming.

in college i had a period of about 2-3 weeks where i had very real, very scary dreams every night - so much so that i didn't want to go to sleep at night. nothing puts you on your knees quicker.

dreaming is the one place where any sense of control that i think i have disappears. your dreams just happen. the people appear (sometimes from so far back in your life that you didn't even know you remembered that person), the places become almost real, the events take place as they like (whether they make sense or not). it is the one place where i realize that i am completely at the mercy of God.

----------------------------

"when we are on our knees we know it is not we who control the world; it is not in our power, therefore, to supply our needs by our own independent efforts . . . in effect, therefore, what we do every time we pray is to confess our own impotence and God's sovereignty."
--j.i. packer, evangelism and the sovereignty of God

for kyrie anna ruth

my sincerest apologies for not posting for . . . um . . . a month and a half. i would like to offer up a list of good (and maybe some questionable) excuses/reasons for my absence. see below:

1. i've been busy. (ah, the pathetically famous excuse of the centruy. it is somewhat true here though as i have been travelling like mad this summer and have also managed to move out of my apartment and across town somewhere in between all the trips.)

2. i have had nothing to post. (this is just a flat out lie, actually. i've had plenty on my mind that i could share. see 'staggering facts' for more.)

3. i haven't had internet access. (not 100% true, as mary has been gracious to let me use hers when i visit. BUT, it is true that i do not have internet at my new place. therefore my online time is significantly decreased.)

i got nothing else.

an aside: i do have sufficient reason for not posting pictures. i will remind you that when it comes to photography i have not yet jumped into the twenty-first century. it still remains that i have only a film camera. no digital. perhaps soon. but part of me thinks that once i go digital i'm never gonna use my film again. and that makes me sad. perhaps i'll scan some shots from the summer and post them soon (when i can figure out how to do that.) until then, i remain pictureless.

love and miss you, kyrie.

staggering facts

1. there are 6,625 unreached people groups in the world. (that's 41.5% of the world's total people groups.)

2. of the world's 6.53 billion people, 2.58 billion live in these unreached people groups. (that's 2.58 billion people who have NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO HEAR THE GOSPEL.)

3. Of the approximate 6,800 langauges in the world, 4,037 are without Scripture portions available.

4. a large portion of these unreached peoples live in the 10/40 window. of the 4 billion people there, 2.23 billion are among the least reached.

5. there are only approximately 7,000 missionaries worldwide working with these unreached people groups, which puts the ratio at one missionary for every 368,570 people in these groups!

6. 94% of all ordained preachers in the world minister to the 9% that speak english.

7. there are more than 1 million full-time christian workers in the u.s.; while one half of the world's population (3 major groups - Muslim, Hindu, Chinese) - 2.2billion - have about 3,000 full time christian workers.

-------------------------------

my friend annmarie was telling me of a missionary that she heard speak last week. he works among one of the 872 people groups in papua new guinea.

2 of the unreached tribes in papua new guinea have been ASKING for a missionary to come and live among them for 9 years.

9 YEARS.

in striking contrast, a youth pastor in california just stepped down from his position to pursue something else. within 2 days, 47 people applied for his position.

-------------------------------

think on it and let it affect you. i haven't been able to get away from it since i read it. i just keep rolling the numbers around in my head and wondering what the heck i'm doing here in america.

-------------------------------

"go therefore and make disciples of all nations." --jesus

"and you shall be my witnesses, both in jerusalem, and in all judea and samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth." --acts 1:8

"this gospel of the Kingdom shall be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations and then the end will come." --matt 24:14

"after this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, "Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!" --rev 7:9-10

on carving . . .

when Michaelangelo was working with that piece of granite that eventually became David, one of his assistants asked him,

"how do you do this? how do you take this block and form something so beautiful?"

and Michaelangelo stepped back, and he said,

"that stone IS david.
i am carving away everything that is NOT david."

it was clear in his mind and in his design, and when he was carving, he was carving away everything that was not david.

God does the same thing with you and i.
he took this block of stone.
he declares us children of the living God.
he justified us in Jesus Christ that we might know him, the power of his resurrection.

why is there pain in my life? he is carving away everything that is not Christ in us.

that is the path of sanctification.
blessed be the name of the Lord.

"that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death." --phillipians 3:10

--from one of phil's recent sermon on "the fellowship of His sufferings"

blessed be the name of the Lord in all things, even our sufferings. for even those are meant for our good. for ALL things work together for good for those who love God.

you guys really gotta check out this phillipians series. fo' real. i ain't kiddin'. it's 100 xs better than any t.v. show. see link below.

lead me to the Rock

as we were driving thru the mountains the other day, my dad and i were marveling at these homes that are literally built on the sides of the mountains.

i had lots of questions:
where are the roads leading up there?
how do they get machinery or supplies up there?
and mostly, how do the homes stay up there?
(some of them look as if a strong wind could push them off the side.)

"i guess they should do ok," my father says. "they are built on solid rock."

and there you have it.

homes able to stand in seemingly impossible places

because they are built on rock.

hmm.
-------------------------------
"everyone who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. and the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house,

but it did not fall because it had been founded on the Rock."

--matt 7:21

it's commanded, people.

"look amond the nations, and see;
wonder and be astounded.
for I am doing work in your days
that you would not believe if told."
--habakkuk 1:5

notice the progression:
1. look - ("open your eyes, sarah.")
2. see - (spend a little time gazing at it until you really get it.)
3. wonder and be astounded- (a bi-product of the first two.)

read this a day after my reading by tozer (see below).

was reminded how insistent God is on showing me things

when He really wants me to get it.

as promised . . .

from the knowledge of the holy by a.w. tozer.
read if you care to have your complacent look on life destroyed.
it's weighty, but plow thru it.
and then rest awhile and wonder at the mystery of life.

------------------------
"Thomas Carlyle, following Plato, pictures a man, a deep pagan thinker, who had grown to maturity in some hidden cave and is brought out suddenly to see the sun rise. 'what would his wonder be,' exclaims Carlyle, 'his rapt astonishment at the sight we daily witness with indifference! with the free, open sense of a child, yet with the ripe faculty of a man, his whole heart would be kindled by that sight . . .'

"how different are we who have grown used to it, who have become jaded with a satiety of wonder. 'it is not by our superior insight that we escape the difficulty,' says Carlyle, 'it is by our superior levity, our inattention, our want of insight. it is by not thinking that we cease to wonder at it . . . we call that fire of the black thundercloud 'electricity' and lecture learnedly about it, and grind it out of glass and silk: but what is it? whence it comes? whither it goes? science has done much for us; but it is a poor science that would hide from us the great deep sacred infinitude, whither we can never penetrate, on which all science swims as a mere superficial film. this world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, incrutable, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it.'

"[even after years of advances in science and technology] we still do not know. we save face by repeating frivolously the jargon of science. we harness the mighty energy that rushes through our world; we subject it to fingertip control in our cars and our kitchens; we make it work for us like aladdin's jinn, but we still do not know what it is. secularism, materialism, and the intrusive presence of things have put out the light in our souls and turned us into a generation of zombies. we cover our deep ignorance with words, but

we are ashamed to wonder,

we are afraid to whisper, 'mystery.'"

------------------------

a friend of mine named grace was standing at the kitchen sink before our bible study one day just staring at the water running over her hand.

later when i asked her about it she told me she was just thinking. about how the water washed over her hand instead of being absorbed into it. about how her thin layer of skin was created to keep out things that would harm the rest of the body. about how her brain got her fingers to do exactly what she wanted them to do.

she was marveling.

'wonder'-ing, if you will.

about hands.

and skin.

and water.

what a springboard of worship is our 'wonder'-ing.

i am . . .

i am back in the burg. safe and sound.

i am eating rita's orange cream water ice (bought by a thoughtful friend of mine as a welcome home present).

i am awaiting a call from cambodia.

i am contemplating my already-full upcoming week.

i am missing my family.

curious how i can be doing so many things all at once,
all the while just sitting at my desk.

odds and ends:

a. went to a colorado rockies game last night. beautiful til about the 4th inning. then crazy downpours. we hid out in the nosebleed section (where it was covered) for about 45 mins until my mother insisted that we go. so after buying myself a new hat (yes, i've finally admitted that my favorite hat needs to be ditched), we ran several blocks thru the rain to our car. at least it was warm rain. fun times.

2. speaking of rain. average rainfall in denver is only 19 inches a year. since we have arrived, it has rained a number of times, including huge thunderstorms 2 nights. since the rain started last night around 9 it hasn't stopped.

we brought the rain with us from VA.

III. reminder (more for me than you) to post this great thing i found in a book i'm reading called 'the knowledge of the holy' by tozer. it's about mystery (just to give you a little taste-test). sorry, i don't have the book with me now.

D. today in the rain we attempted to drive up the tallest paved road in the united states. to the top of Mt. Evans. 14,264 feet above sea-level. one of colorado's "fourteen-ers," as they call them. we made it to 10,600 feet before the fog got so bad that we didn't think it was worth it to continue on. bummer that the day we picked to go it was so cloudy. still got some great shots of the fog over the mountains and at echo lake (see pic).

maybe next trip i'll get up a 14-er. anyone wanna come with me?

5. fun fact: because of the elevation change, if you move to an area like denver, over time your body will make about an extra pint of blood to help your body get more O2.

VI. rainbows abound here from all of the quick little storms that pop up in the afternoons. i've seen 2 this trip. interestingly enough, both in the same exact spot over the target parking lot. :-)

ok, folks. i'm coming home tomorrow. i'm kinda sad about it. i will miss my family very much. this has been a fantastic trip.

up next: 'the real world - DENVER'

last night we went to a colorado rockies game (well, half of it at least - the rest got rained out). before the game we checked out this sports bar and grill for dinner (LoDo's: short for Lower Downtown - popular section of denver).

so in the middle of dinner these guys come in followed by a 3-man camera crew. we were taking bets on who they were: mom said maybe pro soccer players (they had that look), brandon said, 'maybe it's the real world.' to which all of us replied, 'whatever.'

so the waitress comes over and we ask her, 'what's the deal with the cameras?'

'oh, it's the real world,' she replies. 'their house is two doors down. those are the guys. they come in here all the time. we never see the girls though. apparently they don't get along. should be a good one.'

HA! so much for us bashing brandon's idea.

so then the conversation turned to, 'so how do we get on camera?' b&g said they'd go start a fight with them. gordon kept trying to get me to just go sit down at the booth with them. my dad was gonna go ask if he could take their picture. the closest we got to any interaction was my mom zooming in to get a pic from our table. we'll see if it turns out.

and yeah, we checked out the house. what we could see of it. there's a sign outside the door that says if you come thru the doors be prepared to be videotaped and shown on national tv. funny.

so, yeah. the next season of 'the real world' will be coming at you from the mile-high city.

finally got my hiking in . . .

here's where my bro and i went today:
red rocks park and amphitheater
(www.redrocksonline.com)

a-MAZ-ing.

talk about standing in awe of God's creation. massive red rocks that have been uprooted, turned on their sides and stuck back down into the ground. huge boulders balancing on rocks as if you could push them off with one finger.

brandon and i hiked thru these rock formations. 6, 450 feet above sea-level (we were feeling it).

and here's the funny part (if you call this funny.) we deviated from the trail at one point and climbed up on the rocks to get some pictures. no big deal, right? we had some fun climbing, got some good pics, tested our endurance skills.

so then we get back on the trail. and we pass a sign. but first we read the sign. here's what it said:

Climbing on rocks prohibited.
Violators will be fined $999.00
or serve up to 180 days in jail.

AAAHHHHH! we looked at each other. then we both immediately looked all around us. as if we expected cops to jump out of the bushes with handcuffs and drag us to their cars.

luckily that didn't happen. and we had a lovely rest of the day in the park.

p.s. the amphitheater is carved into the rocks - i can imagine seeing a show there would be outstanding. great music under the stars in the middle of this beautiful park. blues travelers were there for the 4th. counting crows and goo goo dolls were there on the 5th. if i'd had an extra $50 to blow, i would have gone. maybe next time.

and see all those stairs? we learned today that during the a.m. and afternoon, the amphitheater seems to turn into a free gym of sorts for people. there were dozens of people there today running stairs (there are hundreds of them leading up to the amphitheater), running the rows where people sit. i got tired just walking the stairs. but of course now i want to go back tomorrow a.m. and do my run there. maybe i'll even attempt the stairs.

work out arena by day, concert hall by night.

hey, i'd choose that setting over a treadmill at the gym ANY DAY.

everytime a family moves, a forest dies.

i wish you could see the piles and piles and PILES of packing paper that have accumulated in our house, garage, truck bed, etc. as a result of this move. it is seriously ridiculous.

this is what i dont get.

i will unpack a box: take an item out, unwrap it, throw the paper on the floor and do this over and over again until the box is empty. but then once i've unwrapped everything, i start to stuff the packing paper back in the box. that's the logical thing to do, right? rather than leave it all over the floor. and you assume that since all the paper was in the box to begin with (along with all the stuff you unwrapped) that the paper will fit back in the box with plenty of room left over.

oh no. you would be wrong. sometimes it doesn't fit. and if it does fit, it barely does and you have to squish the paper down as far as you can using all your arm muscles to get it in there.

what is wrong with this picture.

faith, maybe you can help me out with this one. i think it's a science thing. something about wasted space prolly.

so yeah, my hat's off to the poor trees that sacrificed their lives so that our family could move to colorado with all our goods in tact.

poor trees.

what we need in salisbury:

Jamba Juice

yummy fruit smoothie bar.

i may be getting addicted.

quick update for everyone.

we are moved in. the moving truck left yesterday around 6p.m. after a long day of getting things into the house. we are far from settled, but are making some progress. at least the beds are up and some of the rooms are starting to come together. i unpacked box after box after box yesterday and still it seems there are hundreds left. i just keep telling myself, "sarah, it's a process."

went running this a.m. - much more difficult at 5,000 ft. i hadn't noticed the altitude at all until my run the a.m. gives my lungs a work-out more than my legs. makes me wonder what it will be like at 14,000 feet when we go up to mt. evans or pikes peak later this week. yikes!

ok, i'm off to target. we all had to take baths today because we had no shower curtains. so i will be buying some. and maps. i hate not knowing my way around. i've got too much independence running thru my blood, i think. i want to be able to jump in the car and go explore . . . but my dad's the only one who knows his way around. so shower curtains and maps. and maybe a few other things.

off to target.

p.s. updates may be fewer now. we have no internet yet. i'm at b&n now using their connection for a small fee.

funny sight of the day:

oreo cows.

at least, that's what my mother called them

when we passed them on the road.

daddy says they are really called belted galloways.

he may be right, but i like 'oreo cows' better.

we have arrived.

CURRENTLY (and for the next week):

13197 W. 27th Lane

Golden, CO 80401

west of denver.
north of colorado springs.
south of boulder.
nestled right at the base of the mountains.

beautiful.

here's the house:

i guess this means we are now officially the

mile-high meadows.

let's play a game.

who can guess all of the states i've been in since last wednesday?

perhaps there will be a prize for the person who can guess them all.

here's the thing though. we must institute the honor code for this game. so we know that everyone is playing fair. so . . .

please raise your right hand and repeat after me:

"i, (insert your name), do promise that my guess will be MY OWN GUESS. i will not accept help of any form including, but not limited to, looking at a map, asking someone else, re-reading sarah's previous blogs, etc. i will make my own educated guess based solely on my expert knowledge of united states geography."

ok, good. now that that's over. let the games begin.

"did you hear that potato wagon rolling in?"
thoughts on: the midwest. my daddy. storms.

i had forgotten what driving across the midwest is like. in the midwest, the land is flat. the trees are scarce. so the road stretches out in front of you for miles. it seems as though it will never end. i asked my dad today, "on a clear day, how far can you see?" "50 miles or so," was the reply. he should know. he grew up in the panhandle of texas where the land is flatter and the trees even more scarce (if that is possible) than the kansas road i travelled today.

where the land stops, the sky- a beautiful blue- begins and ascends forever until it's on top of you and behind you and all around you. the sky really is tremendous out here.

the towns along I-70 are tiny, for the most part. little farming towns like the one where my dad grew up. as he put it today, "the high-rise building in most of these little towns is the grain elevator." as if i know what a grain elevator is. but i know what one looks like now. :-)

i drove all day today. it was long. it was extremely uneventful. my passengers slept most of the day (including the cat). so i felt alone most of the day. not a sad alone. just alone. gave me time to take it all in. most of it was rather dull. until evening.

i wish i could adequately describe what i saw tonight. it may seem rather mundane to some of you, but i thought it was amazing. it was rain. storms. in the distance.

in these flatlands you can see the storms form in the distance. you know how in alien movies when they "beam down" from their spaceship - there's this light ray that shoots down from the ship. that's what it's like when you look out and see the storms. gray-blue "beams" of storms interspersed between carolina blue patches of non-rain. lots of them. all across the horizon. kinda looks like thick vertical sripes across the sky.

we drove right into the storms. the stipes got wider and darker as we got closer. it rained. it thundered. it lighteninged. and then it stopped 10 minutes later.

such are storms in the midwest.

as i said above, i know i did not adequately describe what i got to see tonight. i hesitated to even try. but i wanted you to see it. i wanted you to be there.

to see this huge expanse of a sky and be reminded that the heavens tell of the glory of God. to see the fields and remember that you, a small creature on this earth, are like grass that withers and falls. to see the road stretching out in front of you and recall that even as a small creature, there is purpose - a path of life. a to see the rains pouring down in strips in front of you and discover agian that the same God that controls the lightening, the rain, the storms has adopted you according to the purpose of His will and is equipped as your Father to direct your heart to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.

such were the thoughts i was flooded with. i wanted you to share them.

i wanted you to be there.

IT'S UNANIMOUS

the meadows family agrees 100% (and that is a rare occurrence) that today for lunch we had THE BEST PORK BBQ EVER!

restaurant: the original Arthur Bryant's BBQ
city: kansas city, mo
a little history: started in the 1930s
famous visitors: Harry Truman, Jimmy Carter, Steven Spielberg, Michael Landon, Robert Redford, Jack Nicholson, Wilt Chamberlain, Bryant Gumbel

. . . and now the Meadows Family.

the funniest thing about this experience was the bread. you would expect the best bbq sandwich in the world to be on some really great kaiser roll or homemade bread or something.

oh no.

try plain ole' white sandwich bread.

prolly wonder bread, if i had to guess. funny, huh?

progress today:
another 498 miles.
not quite as far as yesterday, but still a valiant effort.

CURRENTLY:
colby, ks
(only 50 miles from the colorado state line!!!)

comment for today:
kansas is a really long state.

browns, grays and greens

there is green-ness everywhere these days. all along our drive it's been green. green fields. green trees. green road signs even.

(we'll stick with thinking about the green LIVING things for the sake of this entry.)

green is a sign of life. richness. health.
maybe that's part of why people spend so much money to have gardens and houseplants and trees in their yards and nice grass.
maybe it helps us to feel alive.

---------------------------------
there's a stretch of I-81 that i used to drive from harrisonburg to winchester when i was in graduate school. it was winter when i travelled that road daily to the hospital for my internship. as i was driving home one day, i was particularly aware of how dull things looked. browns and grays. not many signs of life anywhere.

and i got to thinking about the trees that day. about how they all looked dead with no leaves, bare branches. but really, that's all that it was: they just LOOKED dead. they weren't really dead, just bare. trees don't die in the winter, they just lose their green-ness.

and i thought about my life. my walk with the Lord. this journey of learning to love. how there are times that i look (and feel) like those trees in the winter. i look (and feel) dead.

but the reality is that i'm not.

i may be stripped bare. i may be exposed to cold and wind. all of my green may be gone. but i am not dead.

--------------------------------
the reality is that, in Christ, we are alive. and once we are made alive by His grace, we are kept in that state for eternity. we struggle thru times of exposure to the elements of life that leave us looking (and often feeling) like the trees in winter. but we must know the reality: we are still alive. as much as we may not feel it or see it or look like it.

and the amazing thing is that the Lord can take us in those times of brokenness and restore us. He can bring back our green-ness. and He delights to do it.

--------------------------------
the greens of the past few days have reminded me of all of this. that we have a God that makes us new. alive. and then He goes the distance and sustains that life.

and from the browns and grays, He brings forth greens.

green is a sign of life. richness. health.

"sustain me according to your promise, and I will live . . ." --psalm 119

favorites so far . . .

a few superlatives for the trip up to this point. gives you a few more details from the adventure. maybe more than you really want to know.

best . . .
stretch of driving: the mountains of west virginia.
stop: cracker barrel in ky (we met my aunt, uncle, cousin and her kids for lunch - hadn't seen them in years.)
rest stop: one somewhere in illinois (near the mo border.) props for clean bathrooms and pretty flowers.
vehicle to drive: dad's truck. thought i would hate it because it's so big. turns out its the most comfortable thing to ride in AND easy to drive.
"sight" to see: the arch in st. louis - situated right on the river. cool skyline, especially in late afternoon - bet it's even better at dusk.
$1.50 spent: a sonic cherry-limeade. one word: YUM!
snack: a tie between my MSD medicine and powerbar granola bars
hotel: holiday inn express (great shower heads, no ugly floral motif, frig and micro in each room)

more to come. we have made it 941 miles so far. another 739 to go. not bad for 1 1/2 days of driving. huge praise for the blessing of safety thus far. continue to keep us in your prayers.

p.s. it's times like this that i wish i would join the 21st century and go digital (camera-wise, that is). i have taken some great shots (yes, anna, i've gotten every state sign except indiana - it snuck up on me) but you'll just have to wait til i get home to see them. keep you in suspense! :-)

his name is phil.

my pastor from college rocks.

i mean, really. he packs a punch. every message. every week. so much so that i still listen to his messages even though i'm at a church in maryland and he's moved to a church way down in florida.

today (while driving across the great state of . . . illinois, i think) i listened to a solid message on phillipians 3:9.
check it out on www.pinewoodpca.org
the message from march 19th.

do yourself a favor and listen. be encouraged.

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
phillipians 3

drove 574 miles today.

thru 4 states.

(can you guess which ones?)

yeah. that's what i'm talkin about.

rock on meadows family.

CURRENTLY:
columbia, mo (right in the middle of the state)

here's our route across the states:

CURRENTLY:

right across the west virginia/kentucky line,

between huntington, wv and grayson, ky.

partial lyrics from a song i was listening to on the drive tonight.

really hit home with me.

any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands

while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me

reprimands me

then and thereI confess

I'll blame all this on my selfishness

yet you love me

and that consumes me

and I'll stand up again

and do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life

you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light

as I exhale I hear your voice

and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise

and from my lips the words I choose to say

seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise

because I love you

oh God, I love you

and life is now worth living

if only because of you

when i go down, relient k

all of my family's belongings fit into a 53-foot long space.

i know this because at midnight last night i watched a moving van of that size pull away from our house in virginia. with all of our stuff.

---------------------------
mom and i sat on the porch and watched them finish packing the van. she held my hand, still comforting me from the mini-breakdown that i had after walking thru and feeling (not just seeing) the emptiness of each room. it's interesting how even without furniture there i could still picture the rooms just as they should be. last night was the first set of tears.

----------------------------
this morning i woke up in our empty living room floor. mom, dad and i spent the night there last night instead of getting a hotel room. it certainly wasn't the best night's sleep i've gotten, but i wouldn't have wanted it any other way. it was the last night i had to be in that house.

----------------------------
in some ways today has seemed somewhat normal. dad was awake first and busy doing things when mom and i got up. we sat around the breakfast table with carla and marisa (our neighbors of 13 years) talking about typical life stuff and listening to marisa play her recital peice on the piano. i sat out on the back deck for awhile with the cat. i swept the floor.

but doing a few "normal" things doesn't make the day itself normal. such was the case today.

----------------------------
i am currently sitting in a hotel right across the kentucky state line. my family (including the cat) has spent all day packing up the last remains of our home in virginia and setting out for the west . . . golden, colorado to be exact.

i have decided i will use this lovely little internet creation that we call a blog to keep everyone updated on the events of our trip. as those of you know who read my blog, i rarely post daily events, but rather ideas, musings, mad squirrel disease thoughts. the next week and a half will be a mixture of the two. take it for what you will.

i leave you tonight with a verse that i thought of as we were driving thru the beautiful mountains of virginia and west virginia today:

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
isaiah 55
(read the whole chapter for even greater encouragement)

from the pulpit.

"a loss of silence is as serious as a loss of memory . . .
and just as disorienting."

--john render, quoting someone else

(sorry, i didn't catch the reference)

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"be still"

surrender

drop your hands to your side

cease striving

"and know that i am God."

psalm 46:10

more on light . . .

i want you to get a mental picture. or even maybe do this. that's right, try it out.

turn off all the lights in your bedroom, walk out of it and close the door behind you. turn on a light in whatever hallway you are in. ok, you're set. you are standing in the lighted hallway. now, open the door to your room.

yeah, so that's the whole game. but what i want you to watch as you do it is the light. not the actual lightbulb, but the light itself. how it moves. what happens with the light when you open your bedroom door?

God used this very basic "natural order of things" picture to teach me something about himself (and consequently, about myself) a couple of years ago. it was as simple as me walking into a room and thinking, "interesting . . . the light always spills over into the darkness. the dark room always gets lighter, not vice versa."

have you ever thought about that? if nature were different, darkness could spill over into light. but it doesn't. the light is stronger than the dark. more potent, if you will. the light always beats out the dark. always.

that should give us an amazing strength of spirit in considering the following truth:

"you are the light of the world."

when light is introduced, darkness disappears.

there is power in light. there is power in the Light.

darkness is cold.

i was thinking tonight about the verses in Scripture that talk to us about being lights. about how we are to shine in the darkness.

and i guess when i read that, i always think about the light part. how it shine like stars. how it engulfs the darkness. how it provides the ability to see things clearly. how it offers warmth.

but then there's the darkness. the thing that surrounds the light. the thing that makes a need for the light. it's around us all the time.

i know this about darkness.
but tonight i felt the darkness. and it was cold. and heavy.

there is a weight to the darkness of this world. to the Lord, i suppose that weightiness is ever present. it is a constant stabbing in his heart. but for me, i don't always feel it's bite. i suppose because i live surrounded by it so much that after awhile it just seems "normal". like i get so used to being in it that it no longer seems like it's in such opposition to me.

but it is.

and tonight i felt the difference between light and darkness. the war that they fight. the stark difference in how they move. how they feel.

sometimes the darkness around me is so heavy that it makes my light feel like nothing more than a flicker.

but at least there is a flicker. all glory to Him.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." --1 peter 2:9

reflections from am

i read the following this weekend. it's quoted in a book called story by steven james; the original source is soren kierkegaard's provocations:

"The difference between an admirer and a follower still remains, no matter where you are. The admirer never makes any true sacrifices. He always plays it safe. Though in words, phrases, songs, he is inexhaustible about how highly he prizes Christ, he renounces nothing, gives up nothing, will not reconstruct his life, will not be what he admires, and will not let his life express what it is he supposedly admires."

what powerful words. i wanted to write something about this . . . about how it convicts my soul. but then i remembered an email that my friend annmarie ("am") sent me regarding this same quote (she read the book a month ago). her words are honest and right on. and are much of what i felt when i sat and thought about this. so instead of me, you get to hear from her today:

"Wow...will i allow my heart to be convicted by such frank words. I sit here and think of all the talking i do about this life i want to live, these sacrifices i want to make, the places i want to be, the Christ i want to share with the world...yet here i stand in the same boat, holding the same net, contemplating what i should do next...throw the net again and try to keep this same old life working the best i can, or jump out of the boat, swim my way to shore and take hold of the hand that promises to lead me to a life of more blessing than i can imagine! Seems like it would be such an easy decision to make, yet I feel like so many times I have have heard the words of the Lord saying “Follow me” and as I have hesitated to reply he keeps moving on to invite some others.

I have been reading this verse in 1John 3:18-20 “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we set our hearts at rest in his presence, whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” He knows my struggles, he knows of my hesitation related to my fears, my pride, my self absorption, he knows that I condemn myself as a result of those things… yet he says there is only one thing that is going to lay all of that to rest and bring me into his merciful presence and that is to drop our nets and pick up our cross to follow him. “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:33 . . .

Steven James envisions Jesus asking the question, “So what do you say? Will you follow me, or just keep admiring me?” But I truly don’t think that we can even begin to admire this sweet Savior unless we can look into his precious face…and yet if we don’t walk with him at his invitation, all we will see as we stay there in the boat will be the back of his head as he turns and walks away! Let us not admire from afar, but let us get close enough to touch and marvel at the face of Christ…he will be there in all that we do in the power of his name!"

--april 12, 2006

admirer or follower . . . which will i be? which will you be?

for marie

"are you ready for heaven?" i asked softly.

(it was an awkward question . . . or maybe just an awkward moment . . . looking at someone who is near death and talking with them about what will likely soon be.)

she slowly, but deliberatley, nodded yes.

(it was the first answer to a question that i had gotten all morning.)

i smiled. and happy tears welled up in my eyes. i don't think that she noticed. i don't think any actually spilled out onto my cheek . . . they just sat there in my eyes, blurring my vision of this beautiful woman that lay before me.

i sat there a bit longer, at times talking with her, at times talking to her, at times just looking at her, moistening her lips with vasoline, wetting her mouth that was so dry from lack of fluids, stroking her hair, holding her hand.

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i sat down by the lake for a long while, reading Scripture and contemplating the fate of my friend. the air was crisp from the breeze that came now and then, but the sun made it warm enough that you knew it was springtime. all the flowers were out, the dogwoods white with bloom. there were geese near the water's edge and every once in awhile i'd here the scurry of a squirrel in the grass behind me. i sat there for a long time. in the middle of spring happening all around me. in the midst of life. in the midst of new life.

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there was a long set of windows in her room. everyday when i would visit, i walked over to the windows and looked out into a lovely little courtyard . . . and past the courtyard to the lake on which the hospital is situated. the lake where i sat a few days earlier. it struck me one day how that wall of windows seemed to be a very distinctive divider between that room of death and a world of life.

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i have spent a good deal of time thinking, contemplating, questioning, reading . . . for many days i had a deep uneasiness, and a great sadness about my friend. i cried sad tears over the impending loss of her. but then one day it hit me . . .

i was focusing too much on the external. was it ok to be grieving her loss? absolutely. but what does Jesus tell us he looks at? what does he tell us matters? not the external, but the internal. not the body, but the soul.

i was looking at my sweet friend's body deteriorate, day by day, little by little. i was watching her eyes get dimmer, her breathing get heavier, her responsiveness grow less. but all of that was simply her body. what was going on with her soul?

i don't claim to know what happens to a person's soul as they are dying . . . at least in the days that lead up to death. but i know the end result for my friend. and i'd like to think that in those final days her soul was inching closer and closer to the gates. closer and closer to Him. that while her responsiveness to this world was growing less and less, her soul's responsiveness to heaven was growing greater and greater . . . that she was continually feeling more peace, more warmth, more excitement, more rest about where she was going.

i was seeing the death; but at the same time she was drawing nearer to Life.

------------------------------------

today was her day of arrival. today was the day of homecoming. she had told me a week ago that she was ready. and today she got to go.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

from my reading today:

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

For the whole law is fulfilled in one word:

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

galatians 5:13-14

an addition to 'whys and hows' . . .

i was thinking more about the why and how questions. and i came up with another question:

why do we question things so much?

and then it hit me. a long time ago, way back in the beginning, i suppose humans (adam and eve, really) didn't question things. things simply were. the relationship that they had with the Creator was such that there was no reason for them to question anything for everything that they needed was provided . . . they had NO NEED - physically or spiritually. their perfect relationship with God and the perfect world in which they lived left nothing to be questioned. i suppose the questions only came when sin came. when the relationship was wrecked, when the balance was disrupted.

in a way, sin, at least for a lot of the big "adult" why questions, is both the cause for them and the answer to them:

why does sickness and death strike people that we love so strongly and suddenly?
why do we humans hurt each other so much?
why is it that God seems so far off sometimes?

does this make any sense?

it seems to me that
the reason that we question is because we were created to understand.

does this seem way off? i'm really just thinking out loud on this one . . .

whys and hows

it's the "why" questions that are the hardest.

i must have learned this at an early age. we all do, i suppose. seems that all kids go thru that phase where they ask a question, they get an answer and then the immediate next thought is "but why?" and then the answer to that question is followed with, "but why?" and so forth and so on until the answerer is exhausted and out of answers.

why do lightning bugs light up?
why can't i hit my brother if he hits me first?
why do i have to go to school?
why was that girl mean to me?

seems our hearts, even when we are little, long to know the "why" of things.

only when we get older, or why questions become a little deeper . . . a little more involved . . .

why does sickness and death strike people that we love so strongly and suddenly?
why do we humans hurt each other so much?
why is it that God seems so far off sometimes?
why am i the way i am?
why is it that people have such a hard time agreeing on things?

and somehow, even if the more involved "why" questions are answered, often times they only lead into the more complicated "how" questions . . .

how are we to deal with grief and pain?
how do we find peace and forgiveness and love for people that have hurt us?
how do we have a relationship with God?
how do we become the people we were intended to be?
how do we know which "truths" and really the Truth?

in these questioning moments (which life is overwhelmingly full of) it seems my belief in God - in Yawheh, the only true God - is clutch.

because as much as i search the history books or the 6 o' clock news or the internet, the answers are not there. not even science or common sense or philsophers or my parents can give me all the answers to all the "why" questions. and none of those give me effective answers to the "how" questions either.

but then i search the Scriptures. and i see Him. God shows up and speaks of our condition as humans, of my particular struggles and of Himself. and He gives answers. not always the answers that i thought i wanted, or to the fullness i wanted, or in a way that i completely understand, but answers nonetheless. sometimes the answer can simply be, "I have brought this about. and it is good. because I am Good. so trust it. trust Me."

and if i don't always get it . . . if i don't always like the answer, i am forced to remember that i am not God. and that i'm not always going to get it. His understanding if so far superior to mine that it is astounding. and He may not ever tell me the answer fully or so that i can grasp the reasoning.

but i read - and so believe - that He is Creator, Life-Giver, Sustainer. that He is Love and Truth and Justice. and i look further into the story to see all of that lived out in a man named Jesus. and i get trust-evoking answers to the why questions. and effective, life-changing answers to the how questions.

He is enough to handle all of the questions. all of the whys and the hows.

"i think there is a reason bedtime stories always end with 'happily ever after.' once everything is happy and there's no struggle, then there's no more story to tell. we don't want to hear about happiness and peace unless the story also includes freedom and discovery. without discovery all you have is monotony. without freedom, utopia isn't paradise after all.

it's just hell in a fancy prom dress."

-steven james, story

courage

talked to my mom tonight. she was in a hotel room in denver. waiting for my dad to get out of his business meeting.

my dad travels out to denver frequently. they have a big office out there. he's the boss-man so he has to go out there. but this time my mom went.

they are house-hunting. after years of fighting it, my mom has finally agreed to go. so my parents are moving. to denver. all the way across the u.s. i can hardly believe it.

as i talked to her tonight and was thinking about it later, i realized something. another "realization of emotion" similar to my "happiness" epiphany today . . .

i am proud of my parents.

"strange," i thought. "isn't it supposed to be the parents being proud of their kids?"

but i am indeed proud of my parents.

for thirteen years they have lived in the same house. they have lived next to the same neighbors (on both sides, i might add) for 13 years. they have seen their three kids thru middle school, high school and college in that house. they have gone from a full house to an empty nest there. they have re-modeled every room in the house at least once. my dad has driven 1-95 up and back to d.c. every day. they have watched our town change from lots of green fields to lots of strip malls and restaurants and wal-marts. they have developed close friendships over the years.

they are established. and now they are leaving.

and i am proud of my parents because they are courageous. it takes courage to look at a house that you have spent years making into your home and give it away to someone else. it takes courage to take on the daunting task of packing up, throwing out or giving away what the nooks and crannies of a house have accumulated over 13 years. it takes courage to leave everything that you know, everyone you know (even your three kids) and move across the country. it takes courage to step out of the comfortable and known into newness that can be intimidating and lonely.

i admire this courage in them. probably because i want so much for me to be that way too. to be courageous.

i am both proud of my parents and so excited for them. i found myself smiling as my mom (who is NOT a city person) told me how she's spent her day running around downtown denver, learning how to use the public transit system, offering up a bagel and jelly to a homeless woman who was nursing a cup of coffee in the diner where she had breakfast, looking at homes that are only 5 mins away from where my dad will work so he will no longer have a 1-3 hour commute each way every day, wishing that i were there with her because "sarah, you would fit so well here."

my parents are moving to denver. exciting.

sitting and happiness

do you ever just sit? not sit and read. not sit and listen to music. not sit and watch t.v.

just sit.

i accidently went to volleyball an hour early tonight. so i had an hour to kill. and i found myself just sitting. in the dugout of an empty baseball field. on the cold metal bench. watching the sunset.

and as i was sitting, i had this thought some over me. "i am happy."

so i sat a little longer just kinda mulling that over in my head. it's kind of a funny realization to come to, you know. the realization of such a basic emotion. it's almost as if i had been standing out in the rain for 10 minutes and all of a sudden realized, "hey, i'm getting wet." like i should have noticed it a long time ago.

so then i thought, "well, why am i happy?" and a million things started flooding my mind. and i started listing them. here's part of the list.

i'm happy to be sitting on a cold, metal bench watching the sunset.
i'm happy to know the God that created the sun and moves it across the sky every day.
i'm happy that no one in the world knows where i am right now except God.
i'm happy to have seen steph and faith tonight.
i'm happy for the 4 new c.d.s i got in the mail.
i'm happy that God has given certain people the ability to make words and music go well together; to express feeling and thoughts and ideas that i can't so poetically put words to.
i'm happy kyrie intoduced me to k.t. tunstall.
i'm happy the the book i ordered came in.
i'm happy that i had a relatively easy day at work.
i'm happy i got to take a walk with 2 of my co-workers at lunch.
i'm happy that God has blessed me with a mind capable of doing what i do.
i'm happy that i love what i do.
i'm happy for grace for the many times i think of myself rather than my God and others.
i'm happy to know the God who is Love - and to know that He changes me into a person of love.
i'm happy about getting to take pictures for my friends this saturday while they play volleyball.
i'm happy that God is too mysterious for me to fully understand.
i'm happy that He is also bigger than my doubts; that He can handle them.
i'm happy to have talked with my mom tonight.
i'm happy because the girls in my small group bless me more than i could ever bless them.
i'm happy because i've finally realized that it's the Holy Spirit's job to change a person's heart, not mine.
i'm happy that the word of God speaks for itself.
i'm happy that it's getting warm outside.
i'm happy that i accidently went to volleyball an hour early.


so, yeah . . . i realized tonight that i am happy. all because i took the time to sit.

great song . . .

it haunts me so
this gloomy weight
that comes and goes
without a trace
a thousand times my flesh embrace
a thousand more, but if for grace

to see the Lord, the promise land
wherein all sin's pearly gates look bland
and what was once a pearl, now sand
that blows away, that blows away
in light of Him

when battle lines become unclear
and the waging war is all I hear
Lord, sustain me with Your voice
and the choice to walk in truth

to see the Lord, the promised land
wherein all sin's pearly gates look bland
and what was once a pearl, now sand
that blows away, that blows away
in light of Him

that I might see this day
this waging war might go away
and be no more
that I might see His face
and hear Him say
son, welcome home
the war is over

to see the Lord, the promised land
wherein all sin's pearly gates look bland
and what was once a pearl, now sand
that blows away . . .
in light of HIM

waging war, clean ~shane and shane


"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" romans 7:21-25

i've gotten hooked on a book again. i have so many books that sit on my shelf that are un-read. you'd think i'd read those before i go back to the ones i've already read. but, no . . . some are just too good and need to be re-read every once in awhile. i inadvertently got re-attached to this one. an excerpt:

"the real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget yourself all together or see yourself as a small, dirty object. it is better to forget about yourself altogether."

~c.s. lewis, mere christianity

forgetting about myself. seeing Him. the latter produces the former. makes sense.

i love that God makes sense.

this entry is spurred from a movie i saw on friday night - "equilibrium". i will not try to explain the movie, as it is conceptually complicated, but i recommend it. it is worth watching for the simple fact that it makes you realize how much you "feel".

as i watched it, i thought of these words from c.s. lewis:

"God created things which had free will. That means creatures which can go either wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong; I cannot. If a thing is free to be good, it is also gree to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible.

Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.

A world of automata - of creatures that worked like machines - would hardly be worth creating.

The happiness which God designs for his higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water.

And for that they must be free."

wise words. an all-wise God. i'll take the bad with the good for the sake of having freedom. for it allows me to know true Love.

last night i remember thinking as i lay in bed listening to the rain quietly falling outside my window, "maybe you'll wake up to snow in the a.m.". so when my alarm went off this a.m., in my half-awake stupor i reached over, pushed snooze and started to turn back over for 5 mins . . .

and then i remembered . . .

"maybe you'll wake up to snow in the a.m. . . ."

i shot striaght up in my bed, turned around on my knees and peeked over my headboard, thru the blinds of my window. thru a smile, i whispered, "yes . . ."

i felt like i was 5 years old again.

i like that God allows us to keep some of our childlike qualities . . . wonder is one of those . . .